Charles Dickens was never my favourite,
Be assured my resentment is huge
My favourite hero was turned into a zero;
You’ll not find a good word about Scrooge.
Now Scrooge was a wonderful person
And that’s an established fact.
He’d have kept all our work houses open.
We’d have low prices, low wages, no tax.
It was all the fault of the riff raff,
With no proper life style to choose,
Pastimes of distaste, spending money on women and waste,
Watching United and Wednesday both loose.
But some saw a chance of great profit
Out of so much pleasure and fun.
There was garbage and grime wrote in the Guardian and Times
And the subtle ones wrote in the Sun.
They got Dickens to write rubbish in the papers,
About spending more on Christmas Day,
And all this financial advising brought in more advertising
And the papers got richer that way
It was all for the good of the people it said
To borrow money for things they would choose
And Dickens rants and he rages at these miserly wages
And he pointed the finger at Scrooge.
But Scrooge paid Bob Cratchett full five shillings
And I wouldn’t have paid him that much,
To feed a house full of weaklings and cripples
And then kicked Tiny Tim in the crutch.
But King George added to the problem
By raising the produce of the farms,
He produced turkeys and goose that no one could sell,
Killing them off would do no one no harm.
Let’s forget the meaning of Christmas,
Let Watneys sell you some fun,
Such garbage and grime was wrote in the Guardian and the Times,
And the subtle ones wrote in the Sun.

So they made our poor Scrooge an example
Of how one should not live,
And this poor chappy was referred to as happy
From the moment he started to give.
So everyone started borrowing money
To save money on boozes and goose,
Everyone gave thanks to our friends in the banks
No one thought a good word about Scrooge
So he gave the Cratchetts a goose for their Christmas
That he’d not even shot with a gun
And the garbage and grime
Still wrote in the Guardian and the Times
And the subtle ones still wrote in the Sun.
Charles Dickens became a champion of the people
And our future economy set
And our leaders and rakers are all now risk takers
And the rest are all plunged into death.
Spend, spend, spend our new maxim,
No one thought of the harm that was done,
And the villainous Dickens just was murdering chickens
When he got a good job in the Sun.


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